Saturday, November 29, 2008
Title:
im lost ....
Todae is saturday , is the dae where we alwae muz meet no matter what n im surpose to go wif u to ur fren charlet ,its a happy dae where u can let ur fren noe abt me but todae im alone .... juz alone .everi ting juz happen so sudden , i reali cant take it . i have been sick from the pass 6month plus , i hav been getting thinner n thinner . is like back to last 5 yrs when i was 14 .i was sick super sick .... cant eat ani ting and my life was changed . i cant catch up wif my fren ani more n i lost them , so i decided to stick wif my new fren but i did some stupid stuff which is abt my illness , bad ting is they cant understand maybe we r still too young 2 noe . so i try 2 change i wana get well soon , i wan 2 play like how others did .As time goes by , i slowly recover .. is like oh my finally !! i actually waited for 1 yr plus .. n i was sec 3 ardy . im still wif my group of fren , i was so welcome by them .. im so happy .but some one is jealous he wan 2 steal alwae from me .. he try 2 destroy me ... in the end i become a bad guy . yet i super trust him , we were long time fren , i alwae tell him everi ting ,all my sercret all my stuff , i treated him like my brother .i nv noe he could do such a ting ... but no one noes .cos he hav becoming a super nice person infront of everione n can alwae gave everi one a smiles on their face , i was alwae been mistaken by others ... ani ting happen is sure is me ,everi one suspect me ... even i jump into the river oso cant waste up .but no one noes the true , i tried 2 explain but no one can listen ,no one believe me .everi dae everi time the same ting happen again n again .they r gd enuff still treat me as fren ,but i reali did nth wrong ... so kip tinking wat went wrong , maybe is my character they dun like it ? ok i will change , i kip trying n trying .. i reali hope 1 dae they will giv me a chance to look diff way at me .. but tis fucker alwae wan 2 stop me ... he kip saying bad stuff abt me n say all the xia suay ting infront of everibody , let everi one laugh at me ... end up i found out is all told by him , but i still 4give him i alwaes tot he was juz joking , im alrite if wan 2 make others happy .. but he alwae like tat , u noe how ps it is ? he is juz a double headed snake ..they r still mani mani more ting which i reali cant explain it out n my english is damn bad .so in the end he slowly conquer everi ting im been kicked off ... i have been alone through out half a yr .lucky i found a veri nice gf ,she is so nice to me ... i hav nv felt treated tis way b4 as im alwae alone . as time goes by , 1 yr passed .... everi ting slowly start to change , she change le .she become more n more bo xim and not like last tym , maybe is we r together fer so long .. so i dun wan tis 2 happen i wanna change her back , i wanna noe why ... we alwae quarrel den settle liao , quarrel again , the problem is alwae the same ... is juz a small ting .everidae the history repeating itself again n again non stop.a small ting add mani mani small ting will become a big ting .i start 2 change too , slowly i've becoming veri bad temple , i scold her i do alot of ting ...but she dun understand at all ... she had a super max stm , so tis is the cos of the problem , she will kip 4geting n did the same ting again n again .i hav my limit ,i need 2 do someting i cant let tis go on ... i try 2 tell her nicely let her understand wat im saying .. but it dun work . she will 4get after the day .every day , everi time same old stuff happen again n again ... im so fucked up ! i reali wan 2 siao ardy .i juz cant understand y she kip tok 2 others like normal n rmb ting but not me ...so no more soft toking , i scold her i punish her , i wan her 2 write line , i wan her to do mani mani ting ... all becos i wan her to hav a deep memory so tat she can rmb but she still cant , the onli ting she can rmb is im a bad guy i dun treat her gd , i punish her . but u noe y ? she dun noe y .she onli noe im not gd to her ...i explain n explain to her wat going on , how come will like tat from the start ,say until i reali gona burst till her understand le but she will still do it again n repeat agaiin since she said she ardy noe...... her brain is sot or wat i reali dun noe she alwae like to make ting tis way.i give her countless of chance hope she will change but no .so even a small ting i oso wanna make a big ting quarrel wif her ..all tis is becos i wan her to noe ,to understand to noe the wat the reason is all becos i care fer her i reali love her .i reali treasure everi moment we tgt but she seem not . but she alwae said she love me alot too , deep inside my heart i ardy noe the ans .... i reali scare to lose her , i wan 2 be 4ever wif you so i control tis control that , i become reali bad becos i dun wan 2 lose you .. i noe how she feel i tot of it too but no choice tis is the onli way i can hav her wif me , god alwae giv me someting gd n i'll lost someting ... i knew it the day im gona lose you will come when i get my bike .i rather dun ani bike i only wan you.my dream is to get a bike to send u home , i nv had a chance to .i should'nt bring u to watch movie we should'nt go out at all all tis wun happen , i should hav bring u home , i should not let u down my bike to let u run away im reali regret .i din noe tis small stuff can seperate us so easily .. i chase the cab all the way 2 lakeside n im lost in the middle , my hp spoil , my bike , run out of fuel , u dun noe where i am... no one can help me , im like juz gona die ani moment ,i ask fer mani help try 2 figure out how ..... finally i noe where u actually stay finally i noe how 2 go ur hse , is the day u leave me ... WHY JUZ TELL ME WHY !!! all i did is all 4 u ... i din even go fer my ah ma furneral , i went 2 look 4 u .... i was so worry . y do u hav 2 run away ,y u dun call me ... im looking 4 u . i reali regret i went away but i've come back juz in awhile .. im weak i cant chase u , im juz too weak ..im too over protection .i sit on top of the multi-story carpark waiting 4 u , looking at u to come home so i can give u ur ting n tok 2 u ... i cried so badly i reali wanna jump down ... i wan u 2 4ever rmb me but i still believe u will giv me a chance ..... i gave u so many countless chances ... i onli ask 4 juz 1 single chance , juz 1 pls ... i swear i will do better den b4 .. i will do watever u wan . pls ! i alwae look so hard outside but actually im so soft inside , u look so soft outside but i din noe ur so damn hard inside .. u can juz let go tis 3 yrs plus relationship , yet u can tell me ur rdy 2 celebrate ,my heart is so broken .... u actually dun love me .... u hav alwae been lying 2 me breaking promises n i onli receive a break up from u ... tis yrs all i give all the ting i had done wif u juz gone like that i juz wanna tok 2 u but ur bloody damn fren kip stopping me ... i even knee down on her juz to let me tok 2 u for awhile,i noe i throw all the guys face around the world ,but i dun care i juz wan 2 tok 2 u but y cant u juz listen 2 me giv me a chance .why u so heartless ,WHY ? why u become like tis out of a sudden ... i hate ur fren i HATE them , they seperate u alwae from me , they told u nt 2 soft heart , they wan u 2 break me wif ... tis is between u n me NOT THEM !!! they gt no rite 2 stop us , they dun like me doesnt mean u muz follow them ... they dun understand how the feeling of 3 yrs relationship juz gone lyk tat , they dun even giv a little chance 2 tok 2 u ... u reali dun treasure ani ting in this relationship ? pls juz 1 chance juz 1 pls i beg u ... i will wait 4 u ... i believe one dae u will giv me a chance . im all alone now ,i feel so blank ..i've been crying for 3 days .. my eyes r swollen ,i cant reali see things properly ... i wan 2 die , i wan die wif u ... i juz cant let go , i wan u ,pls i reali do . im lyk wearing a mask , i cant show out my feeling , i need 2 stay as usually , i cry quietly in the toilet , i cry whenever im alone ...i wan 2 shout i reali wan 2 shout !! i noe my parent will be veri upsad , i dun wan ppl who loves me upsad 4 me , i wan them to be happy .. i noe im stupid . i cant eat aniting i will let myself die naturally .im reali happy u hav been wif me these yrs through ,if i hav fate wif u i really wan to be wif u forever till the day i die .i really do love you.
im sorry for those who read my blog ,i guess not mani of them maybe none .In case some one read it i juz wan 2 tell u my english is like shit n i dun noe wat im typing oso ... i juz cant find someone 2 say out my feeling .... im not reali a blogger .sry
